Read Chapter 26 “It Is Finally Happening”
One Door Closes Another Door Opens
July 22nd, 2019
The day of our moving out finally arrived. I didn’t realize how sad I was going to feel when I handed over the keys of my castle to another family. It was our family home for so many years, filled with countless happy and precious memories. A place where my girls did a lot of things for the first time: first steps, first words, first playdates, first homework.
I don’t think I believed it was really going to be the end of an era for the girls and me up until today. But life goes on, and we are moving on as graciously as we can under the circumstances we are in.
I ended up giving away to different charities much more of our stuff than I had initially anticipated. I’m still trying to process how much-unnecessary things we managed to collect over all those years. Consumption-based lifestyle is destructive on so many levels and overbuying while overspending doesn’t give lasting and genuine happiness at all.
The past ten days were busy with packing, arranging things such as billing address, forwarding mail and saying goodbye to the people I became close to over the past few months. I didn’t want to have a big goodbye party, since it’s not a real goodbye in my eyes. I’ll come back to London at some point, or at least this is what I think I’ll do, all depends on how I feel about that idea down the line. For now, or for at least another year, another family will live in our house, and I genuinely hope they will be happy here.
The girls have been both excited and anxious. I could see from their behaviour and how fast they were able to wind each other up that they started feeling the pressure of moving to a totally unknown and unfamiliar environment. I did get the occasional question about friends and the school, which for kids their age is of the highest importance. I tried to answer as well as I could, but a long time ago I promised to myself that, if I didn’t know something I would say so. In this case, there are so many unknowns that my answer often was simple “I don’t know.”
What I know for sure is that their hearts had also been broken by Jim’s sudden disappearance and by the fact that people they grew up with vanished from their lives all of a sudden without explanation. I moved on from my failed school experiment, and I learned my lessons along the way. However, it’s easier for a grown-up to reason the unreasonable situation, than it’s for young kids, are honest and without underlying agendas.
A part of my heart is still broken, because of what my girls experienced; the other part is mad that grown women could have been so easily manipulated by someone as flaky and untrustworthy as Christina.
As predicted, Jim has been too busy with his new “business venture” to see the girls. He gave them one of his empty promises that he will come and visit. I don’t think I should be too surprised by Jim’s behaviour. Parenting became my job and my job only.
I need to stop focusing on all that negativity for now. The three of us are just about to embark on an exciting adventure that could as well turn our lives upside down in the long run, and this is what counts.
For the next two days, we are crashing at my brother’s house. I planned to make those two days fun and exciting for the girls. They don’t know, but I’ve arranged quite a lot of outings for them, which include two West End shows. They’ve been so wonderful and understanding; I don’t think I would have pulled it through all those dark moments without them by my side. So, the next two days are going to be days to remember, remember London as a fun place, not only a place that broke their hearts.
Before the house disappeared from our view, I turned around to look at it one last time, at least for a while. To my surprise, I didn’t cry; I guess I was ready to find my happiness somewhere else.