Read Chapter 15 “My Baby Brother to The Rescue”
20th March 2019
Since my separation from Jim, the school runs have become increasingly stressful. It’s not the public transport that gets on my nerves, which honestly is much better than it was some 20 years ago; back then you never even knew if the bus was going to arrive or not. But the sheer stress and pressure of facing all those parents, who love whispering, gossiping, and pointing fingers at others.
The cold isolation I’ve experienced within the school community is incredibly painful when I think of how much energy, time, and money I had devoted to caring for this community.
The problem the school community seems to be having with me is the unpaid tuition fees. Jim hasn’t paid the school fees for over a year. Many other school families don’t pay the school fees on time or sometimes don’t pay at all and just move on. I helped the school on many occasions to close the gap with fundraising and reaching out to suppliers for donations. But thanks to Christina’s sickening spin on reality and her highly successful black PR, I’m the one who spent all the school tuition money on our over the top lifestyle. This sneaky little cunt is so obsessed with ruining my life that she will stop at nothing to reach her goal.
All friends I had in the school community (community BUAHAHAHA!!!! – what a fancy word for a bunch of cockroaches, who suck every last drop of your blood, until you are left bleeding out and struggling to breath), even my ‘girlfriends’ turned away from me without ever asking if the lies Christina conceived had any base in reality. Instead, three of my, who I used to consider best friends, based their judgement on one woman’s made-up opinion of me and my life.
At first, it seemed like my girlfriends did support me with the initial upheavals of Jim’s affair, his moving out, my difficulties, financial situation, or my daughters being unusually quiet about the whole massive change that was befalling on our family. But this support and years of friendship are forever gone.
For some reason, I’m the bad guy. I’m the one, who didn’t want to go back to work and help my husband (fuck… he never said anything, so how was I supposed to know he had any financial hardships). In Christina’s spin, I was the one chasing upper-middle-class lifestyle, which isn’t true. My Instagram feed has no pictures of my breakfast, lunch or dinner in fancy places or long shopping trips. I can’t even remember when was the last time I ate out or spent more than £20 on clothes for myself. Jim wanted and needed that kind of lifestyle more than anything else. I wanted and needed a family and a good education for the girls.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel sorry for myself, quite the opposite. I’m making all the positive changes, and 2019 is going to be my transformation year.
I guess getting rid of the energy-sucking narcissistic vampires is one way of celebrating. But I feel heartbroken about my girls losing their friends. They’ve known some of the kids since they started in the KG or even earlier from various parent-child groups. All those friendships and relationships have been taken away from them because of one insecure, controlling cow that couldn’t stomach that a father should stay a father always and forever.
The morning drop-offs are most stressful, especially when we come to a tad too early, and the gate is still closed. I always try to get to school later to avoid all the stares and whispers the righteous group of holy cows conducts on those occasions, but sometimes it’s just unavoidable.
Girls can feel it too, even though they don’t talk about this.
For the pickups, I learned to come later, much later than everyone else does. Once again, to avoid the waiting and staring. I need to protect myself, I’m not made of stone, and I do have feelings. I’m still trying to scramble my shattered confidence back, and I don’t need negativity, name-calling and general hostility from the community that got so much out of me and was so willing to take as long as I was giving without limits.
I have no idea how much longer we will be able to go to that school before they kick us out. But for now, since I cannot think of any alternative, we are sticking with what is familiar. I have a sneaky feeling that another massive unplanned change could tip me over in the wrong direction.