Chapter 24

Read Chapter 23 “Pushing Through the Comfort Zone”

Saying Yes Is an Art Form

June 24th, 2019

I finally had my Skype interview for the teaching job in Tenerife. The interview went much better than I expected, and they offered me the job right away. The offer is perfect for now, and I wouldn’t have to sign the contract for longer than a year, which in our case is ideal. After a year, I could either stay for another year, move onto something else or come back to London.

I have to say I’m tempted. I would have some steady income and financial security, something I’ve been aiming for. That would be a much welcome breather I feel my life desperately needs.

However, while thinking about the offer, my life and the girls, I’ve realized that it’s not easy to say ‘yes’, even when it seems and feels like the right decision and an excellent opportunity. It appears that saying ‘yes’ is much harder than I thought it ever could be. It should be easy; you say ‘yes’ and move on. In my case, so much fear and negative emotions are attached to this phrase. It almost feels like the worst-case scenario.

Over the years, I kept putting my needs at the back burner, always accommodating someone else’s instead.

Saying ‘yes’ to myself inevitably pushes me out of my comfort zone. Even buying a new outfit or a pair of shoes don’t come easy.

The spiritual gurus preach that until you start saying ‘yes’ to yourself, it might be incredibly hard to magic some magic into your life.

So the magic word for me in 2019 is ‘yes’. I feel that I owe it to myself and need to try to better my life, even if it feels scary at times. The girls are on board with the move and admitted that they would like to meet new friends. I cannot blame them. The situation with the school and their friends touched them deeply, even if they don’t talk about this.

I certainly won’t ask Jim for permission to move. We are legally still married, but he has been absent from the girls’ lives for the past several months. From his behaviour, it’s clear that it doesn’t really matter for him where we live. It could be even better for him if we were far enough, so he won’t feel the social pressure to be a present father.

The move would allow me to rent our house out, which of course would additionally help with paying off some of the debts that unfortunately are this nagging voice in my head, keeping me awake in the middle of the night.

The other day, the three of us bumped into Christina and her nasty gang of cheerleaders in the park. She didn’t know what to do with herself when she saw us approaching. In reality, I didn’t expect anything from her.

But to cover her embarrassment, she turned her head the other way. I found this most amusing. This is what children do when they try to hide and believe that by turning away, they can be invisible. Well, she was well visible and somehow not as self-confident as I remember her being; or maybe I’ve changed so much, and her annoying persona doesn’t bother me any more.

June 25th, 2019

After much deliberation, talking to my girls and to my brother, who promised to take care of the house and the flats, I decided to take the job and fully embrace the power of saying ‘yes’ to the new adventure that awaits the three of us.

I’m taking the job, which means that in the next month I’ll have to move my stuff out of the house, find new tenants and make a move overseas to start all over again. I just hope I won’t change my mind halfway through when things start getting harder.

Move on to Chapter 25 “Getting Ready to Move”