Chapter 18

Read Chapter 17 “Going Dancing”

My First Date In Years

April 22., 2019

Over the Easter Break in between the CV re-writing, job search, and preparing my writing samples, I’ve tried my best to keep the girls entertained. Again, last minute I managed to sign them up to the arts and crafts Easter classes. As always, the girls loved it.

It came with a price, but it was worth it, giving me some breathing room and enough extra time to keep up with the job search and ideas brainstorming. Yes, job searching is my priority at the moment and finding something that fits my current unpredictably crazy life isn’t as easy as I hoped, the search continues.

I have to admit that ever since I have two tenants living upstairs, the financial pressure of providing the basics has been lifted. The girls are still adjusting to these new circumstances, but so far they’ve been preciously good about all the latest changes and challenges.

I finally heard back from the school and to my biggest surprise, or maybe I knew it was coming, but as always preferred to exist in my favourite space of denial, the school told us to go. Yes, you heard it right; because we cannot pay the back fees at the moment, we are just taking up space for the people who could be paying the school fees. This is what the school letter said. The so-called management team (our school’s structure isn’t like the mainstream system. Gosh I have to stop using word “our”.) didn’t even have the guts to tell me that in person. I felt like shit when I finished reading the letter. After all these years, all this work and time invested in building the “community”, I’m told to go because I’m financially struggling. What kind of signal does that send to kids? What kind of supportive community is that supposed to be?

Of course, my brother suggested that he would pay the fees off, but I couldn’t agree to that. He’s already helped me out enough with the flats, with the loan to pay off all the debts and credit cards; I cannot take more from him. It’s going to take me most of the rest of my life to pay him back. I know we are a family, but still, I should be able to take care of myself and my family.

Besides, I don’t want to be a part of the community that isn’t really a community but only prays on people’s vulnerabilities, enthusiasm, and kindness, while betraying the school’s ethos the moment it does suit their agenda. So we are out of the school, out of the community, happily embracing a new chapter in life.

I’ve already told the girls that they aren’t going back to school and we will have to do homeschooling until we figure out what is next for us. We have lots of projects to catch up on. This term will be all about projects, museums, and all the fun stuff London has to offer for kids. Getting out of SE for a change will be a relief. The three of us will somehow manage. Women are all about multitasking.

As I see it, currently, I have two choices. First is to move out of London and sell the house to pay off all the debts I have. I’ll keep the two small flats for the girls as their inheritance. They need some security and independence in life. Or another possibility is to get a corporate job and try to get into one of the good mainstream school.

I would hardly ever see them if I take a corporate job and will struggle for years to pay off the debts (a bit of a daunting future).

The little money I would have leftover from the sale of the house would allow us to start over somewhere else. Maybe somewhere else is what we need. A fresh start, new place, new people, and build from the ground up.

My new friend Annie is so much fun. We had a long lunch the other week and made plans for our kids to play. She is on top of things much more than I am. I need someone like her in my life who is a doer and isn’t afraid all the time.

My brother’s friend, the one who helped him with my flats, asked me out. It was very unexpected, but it made me feel good about myself and excited that someone can find me attractive, even though I don’t feel I am.

Ben is hot, kind and much younger than me. Besides, I haven’t been on a date for years. I don’t even know when was the last time I was on a date with Jim without the kids or friends or other people continually hanging around with us. I should have known back then that things weren’t moving in the right direction. If your other half avoids spending time alone with you, something must be in the air.

I said ‘yes’ to the date, and I can’t wait!. I also can’t wait to put my skinny jeans back on because my walking has finally paid off. 

Move on to Chapter 19 “The Date and Other Things on My Mind”